glassed

they both weighed
twice as much as me
my rugby mates
I was tough and wiry
but weedy by comparison
we threw the ball about
and each other
until we were sufficiently
muddied
and our clothes
adequately ripped

having worked up a thirst
we ran off to the pub
to further compete
in a royal quaffing
at some point
deep in the ale
one took aim at his head
with an empty pint glass
“one, two” SMASH!
it looked for all the world
like he really had
glassed himself
he had let it go
between “two” and SMASH
it had really just
broken on the floor

the other guy
was also convinced
so he gave it a go
somehow by chance
he only nicked himself
glass all down his chest

“Wow!” thought I
“I didn’t know you could do that!”
so “one, two” SMASH!
and I had severed
two arteries in my forehead
as I stood up
I saw two beautiful red jets
spurting
right out in front of me
quickly I was blinded
I grabbed someone
and got them to lead me
outside where they
picked out the glass
I lay my head against a wall
and they pressed against the cuts

the ambulance and the police
arrived pretty soon
a copper rugby tackled
my friend
the one stopping the bleeding
an ambulance man
started berating the policeman
as people streamed
out of the pub
an old nurse took me
by the elbow
and quietly lead me
into an ambulance

dabbing away the blood
just enough to see
I thought I made out
two people locked in combat
rolling out into the road
it had turned
from a fracas
into carnage
as we zipped off
to the hospital

they stitched me up
no anaesthetic
and left me
to sleep it off
at some point in the night
there was an accident
with a bed pan
which was already full

they let me out in the morning
and I stumbled through the rain
an old lady flattened herself
against a wall
to let me past
looking horrified

I glanced at my reflection
in the window of a bustop
covered in piss, blood and mud
clothes tattered
two black eyes
and wires
sticking out of my head
I looked quite a bit
like Frankenstein’s monster

Hughie, Ilkley art show