dad

I was watching my friends
do a street show
when I got the fateful call
my dad
was gone

I got there in time
to ask the guys
to give me a while

the bedroom
was filled with sunlight
he lay on his side quite dead
I sat in silence for ages
until all there was was peace

he had been going for years
his mind leading the way
funny to the last
mam found him struggling
half in and out of his trousers
mentally defeated
by the task of going to bed
his last words were
“it’s my last trick!”

when I really want to recall him
I smell the back of my own hand
here, I’ll do it now
it triggers a memory of childhood
strangely, vividly present

it was in his last years
when he’d forgotten
his parental stance
the sternness and distance
softening into warmth and fun
that we had our closest times

we both understood that love

is for always

"Cul larfing"